What is love? Baby, don't hurt me no more
by Xoxerothepoet
Summary: Dade kisses Harvey, Harvey kisses Foo. What on Earth will these children do? Harvey x Dade, with a bit of Dade x Foo and Foo x Harvey. Mentions of hot dog kisses and Novocaine For The Soul


One kiss was all that it took to convince Dade that Harvey loved him. He refused to wash his lips for 2 weeks after he had accidentally kissed Harvey while playing a game of tag with the other animals.

Well, what actually happened is that he was running around telling the animals to stop playing the dangerous game, then he tripped and fell on top of Harvey. Their lips touched briefly, and Dade wasn't satisfied with the brief contact. So, he took advantage of the position that he and Harvey had been in by forcefully making out with him. The fact that Harvey didn't immediately push him off, and that he even seemed to enjoy the kiss, was enough to make Dade believe that Harvey wanted to kiss him a second time. After their third kiss they would get married, then they would kiss at the altar.

His mother had always told him that the fifth kiss was the most special kiss, so he was saving his fifth kiss for his wedding night.

Anyways, he was now working on creating a bouquet of flowers for his future boyfriend, which was more difficult than it probably would have been if he didn't have any brothers or sisters who would eat the flowers whenever he turned his back.

"Get out," Dade said to one of his sisters, who was looking at him with a goofy smile on her face as a stem from a rose hung from her mouth. He was probably still feeling good from the kiss which had taken place 20 minutes before, so he didn't yell at her when he told her to leave. He just politely asked her to leave and hoped that she would respect her brother enough to do what he told her.

The small rabbit continued to smile at her brother as she slurped the rose stem into her mouth and swallowed it whole with a single gulp. Dade sighed, and mentally counted in his mind.

"3, 2, 1…"

The rabbit shrieked and ran out of the room as quickly as her legs could carry her, shouting for her mother the entire time and Dade smiled. What rabbit hadn't tried to eat a thorny rose stem at least once in their life?

He shuddered as he remember his first time swallowing a thorny rose stem, and the resulting pain that he felt when he went to the bathroom later that night.

"I don't need roses," Dade announced with a smile on his face as he ran towards the door leading outside of his house. He quickly opened the door and ran outside to the place where his fellow children were still playing their game of tag.

He was surprised when he didn't see Harvey around. If the blue bird was avoiding him, then he would have to kiss him extra hard as punishment.

"Where is he!" Dade yelled, and the rest of the children temporarily paused their game to stare at him. They all knew who he was talking about, since there was only one person who he ever talked about.

"He went that way," One of the kids, he didn't care about which kid it was, told him as he pointed towards a pathway in the forest. Dade immediately ran down the path that the kid had pointed towards, oblivious to the whispers made by the other kids.

After around two minutes of running, as well as the 45 seconds he had taken to catch his breath and sip from a thermostat filled with tea that he had placed within his fur, he found Harvey sitting on a rock in a clearing in the forest.

If the only thing that he saw was Harvey sitting on a rock in a clearing in the forest, being bathed in the angelic light of the sun with a choir of beautiful fairies singing beautiful hymns as they flew around his head, he would have kissed Harvey and proposed to him then and there. After all, given how rare singing fairies were in the forest, and how few opportunities there would be for Harvey to be sitting in the best possible lighting to be proposed to, he would likely never have a more romantic opportunity to kiss his beloved bird.

Apparently, Foo had the same thought, because at the moment he was kissing Harvey just as deeply as he had kissed him earlier, possibly even deeper and more passionately. There was a ravenous and exciting hunger in his eyes as he kissed Harvey. The worst part is that Harvey seemed to be enjoying the kiss even more than he had enjoyed the kiss with Dade.

How dare Harvey enjoy something that wasn't related to him?

With tears in his eyes, Dade turned and ran home. He was so hurt by the scene of Harvey and Foo kissing, that he only stopped to catch his breath and drink some of his tea once during the trip back to his home. Once he had reached his home, he crawled under the covers on his bed and cried.

While he was crying, and a few of his siblings were staring at him curiously, Harvey and Foo temporarily stopped kissing.

"Wow," Harvey said to his friend and he leaned his head on his shoulder. "You're a really good kisser, not as good as Dade though," Harvey whispered the final part of his sentence so that Foo would hopefully not hear him. He didn't want to admit it, but he enjoyed the warmth and softness provided by Dade's fur when they kissed. He didn't really enjoy the smell of hot dogs when he kissed him, but he definitely appreciated how soft and considerate Dade was with his kiss.

He wasn't sure if he should have told Dade to be more aggressive with the kiss, like Foo had been. He was sure that Dade would overreact and try to be overly aggressive with his kisses, or perhaps he would break away from the kisses every few seconds to ask if he was being aggressive enough for Harvey's satisfaction.

"You tasted a little bit like a hot dog, that's why I liked kissing you so much!" Foo yelled enthusiastically, which startled Harvey and temporarily made him forget about Dade's kiss.

"That wonderful hot dog taste came from Dade right?" Foo asked, and Harvey nodded his head, not liking the direction that this conversation appeared to be heading towards.

"I need some hot dogs for my soul!" Foo yelled, pushing Harvey off of him and running towards Dade's house.

"Before I sputter out!" Foo screeched, causing Harvey to blink his eyes in confusion as he lay on the ground where he had landed. He didn't realize that Foo was aware of one of his favourite bands, and he wasn't expecting him to make a reference to his favourite song by them.

At Dade's house, the rabbit continued to cry and mourn the loss of the love of his life. He knew that Harvey wasn't dead, he was just dead to him. If he couldn't be the one to kiss Harvey, then he saw no point in continuing to live.

"Life is hard, and so am I…"

"...Give me some hot dog kisses so I don't die!" Foo yelled as he crashed through one of the walls in Dade's room and appeared before him with a smile on his face. Before Dade had a chance to react, Foo had grabbed him and pressed his lips against his mouth, forcing him to kiss him.

Dade quickly pushed Foo away from him and glared at the smiling boy, who seemed oblivious to the anger that the rabbit felt towards him at that moment.

"How dare you kiss me with the lips that kissed Harvey less than five minutes ago! Are you trying to remind me of him? Are you trying to make me fall in love with you instead of him?" Dade asked the smiling boy, who shook his head.

"I just wanted some hot dog kisses, can I have another one?" Foo asked, Dade growled and pushed the boy aside and started running towards the forest where he was sure that Harvey was. If Foo was here, than that meant that Harvey was alone and heartbroken that Foo had abandoned his sweet bluebird kisses for his masculine rabbit kisses. He needed to heal Harvey's broken heart! It was his sworn duty as his friend and future husband (or wife, depending on whether or not Santa Claus performed the surgery that he asked for when he mailed his letter).

"Harvey!" Dade yelled as he walked up to the blue bird, who was sitting on the ground silently comparing Dade's kiss to Foo's kiss in his mind.

"Dade!" Harvey yelled gleefully as soon as he saw the brown rabbit run towards him, before he tackled him and held him in an embrace, sobbing into his feathers as he did so.

"You're probably heartbroken and confused right now, you've probably cycled through just as many emotions as I have within the last 40 minutes," Dade whimpered as he held Harvey in his warm embrace, oblivious to the fact that he seemed to be suffocating the poor bird in his tight embrace.

"I will never let you be kissed by anyone aside from me ever again!" Dade shouted, before kissing Harvey deeply. The blue bird seemed to temporarily forget about his lack of oxygen as he allowed the brown rabbit to kiss him.

"Why were you kissing Foo earlier?" Dade asked the blue bird, who looked at Dade with a dreamy, yet incredibly embarrassed expression on his face as he blushed and turned his head away from the gaze of the rabbit.

"We...umm...we're kind of…" Harvey seemed to not want to answer Dade's question, which made the rabbit nervous.

"We're friends with benefits, like, we kiss each other sometimes," Harvey said to Dade, who smiled at the blue bird.

"Ah, well, I guess that makes sense."


End file.
